


what you had & what you lost

by scrubtopia



Category: The Creatures | Cow Chop RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1980s, Alternate Universe - 1990s, Bank Robbery, Codependency, Drug Abuse, Drugs, Emotional Constipation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fake Chop, Frottage, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-07 12:41:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12233058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scrubtopia/pseuds/scrubtopia
Summary: Bank robbery wasn't exactly a career known for it's stability.Fake Chop AU where the gang are a group of bank robbers in mid '80s Los Angeles. After the group inevitably disbands, James and Aleks struggle with how to cope when life continues to move forward.





	what you had & what you lost

**Author's Note:**

> when the idea for this fic popped into my head, i couldn't shake it and... now here we are. i have to give a big shout out to my friend liesmith, who really inspired me with how they characterize novaHD in their fake chop series. if you haven't read their fics, you're seriously missing out. 
> 
> if you've seen the tags, you probably got the picture that this is a pretty angsty fic. i really want to stress that there are some mutual unhealthy relationship dynamics at work here and everything is... a mess. if you're sensitive to those things, then please take care.
> 
> thank you!

 When did everything go to shit? That was the million dollar question. Anyone would say they began falling apart when everyone started bickering with each other. Some could probably say that things just weren’t the same after Trevor took a bullet. Blaming everything on the worst moments of their time together as a group was tempting. Looking back, James would put his bets on the night after one of their brightest.

“Drink up, boys.”

Brett could light up the whole room with how he glowed after a successful hit. That night at the pathetic piece of shit that they called a hideout, he was all grins and going around passing out drinks. When James took his bottle, he tried to ignore the tremble still running through his hands. Aleks, on the other hand, was riding his high with a bright grin. Back then, Aleks could run on adrenaline alone.

“And ladies,” Brett politely amended as he handed Lindsey her beer. She was the only from behind the scenes who was left hanging around at this point.  Joe, Anna, and Asher had turned in a long time ago. James couldn’t blame them, Anna and Asher exhausted from the planning that lead up to this point. Joe, however, was just… lazy. He was surprised when Lindsey offered to stick around. As stressing as the past few days had been for her, she was still sticking around with a tired little smile. A job well done.

Trevor had tried to lean over and steal a beer from Brett’s hands, but was left empty handed when Brett quickly lifted it over head just out of reach. “None for the babies.” Brett said smoothly, sinking into the couch beside him.

“That’s fucked up, you know?” Trevor’s disappointment was wrote all across his face. “I can help you guys rob a bank, that’s fine. Underage drinking is too far, though?”

Specifically, that night they were celebrating their fourth bank robbery this year. Their biggest yet, in fact. Only just a few hours after escaping the police, James remembered feeling sick to his stomach. Their biggest heist yet meant their most dangerous escape yet. Even today, James could remember the sound a bullet made when it whizzed just past the top of his head and lit every nerve that he had alive.

“He’s just gonna go home and drink there.” Aleks pointed out, pale cheeks flushed as he stretched out in the chair he claimed for the night. Aleks was never happier than he was after risking his life for a little more fortune. The fortune didn’t even really matter as much as the thrill of getting out alive.

James used to feel the same way.

“At least I don’t have to share my beer, then.” Brett had sat down next to Trevor, his arm thrown around his neck while he grinned. Trevor looked mildly annoyed, but he was still grinning. That night, James was easily the one in the worst mood.

“A hundred grand.” Aleks leaned over the table, dark eyebrows arched as he looked around their small circle. “Can you fucking believe it? Man, I feel like I’m dreaming, or some shit.”

A slow clap began from Brett. “Congratulations, you’ve officially graduated from petty thief. Now, you’re in the big leagues, kid.”

“Fuck off,” Aleks laughed, ducking his head. “I’m serious. How are we gonna top this one? The next job has to be even bigger.” He sat back, hand pushing his hair away from his face. “Just think about the cash we could make if we hit up an even bigger bank.”

The next job. James swallowed back a wave of nausea and took another long drink from his bottle.

“You’re already planning the next one? You have… a fucking death wish.” James muttered, staring down the neck of his beer.

“Yeah, I’ve got… aspirations and shit.” Aleks voice came out in a huff, how he always sounded when he was getting offended by something. On the other side of their circle, Brett barked out an amused laugh.

“Aleksandr with aspirations? Now I’ve seen everything.” Brett clapped his hands again, resting them between his legs. “I wanna hear this. What exactly do you aspire to, Aleks?” An uncomfortable silence settled over the room as Aleks frowned, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Like… what? Be more specific than that.”

“Pretend like this is a job interview. Mr. Marchant, where do you see yourself in five years?”

“C’mon, that’s…” Aleks trailed off with an uncomfortable laugh. “Ask somebody else, like uh, Trevor.” He tilted his beer in Trevor’s direction. “C’mon, Trevor. You’re young and full of spunk.”

Trevor looked between Aleks and Brett, shrinking to the side a little. “Aw, come on. I…” A soft groan came from Trevor as Brett grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back in. “I dunno, man. I don’t know about… five years, but I guess I…” He paused. “Sometimes I think about what it would be like if I wasn’t doing this stuff. Uh, like… what if i went to school, or something. I guess it isn’t too late for that. Maybe.”

None of them had expected that answer. “Okay,” Brett said, shrugging and letting go of Trevor. “That’s actually decent. I’ll volunteer to go next. As fun as it is hanging around you delinquents, I’d like to move up in life eventually.” He leaned back, tapping the rim of his bottle. “You know, I heard hitmen make pretty good money.”

“Robber to hitman is what you consider ‘moving up’?” James asked, nose wrinkled. Brett simply shrugged.

“Pays better, doesn’t it? Just because you get pale at the sight of a little blood. What about you then, smartass?”

“Anything but this.” James didn’t even have to think about it, just laughed and shook his head. “If I’m doing anything other than getting shot at by cops and risking my ass with you all, I’m gonna consider that a success.”

The mood of the room changed after that. The look Aleks gave James was… strange, then suddenly guarded as he went to take another drink of beer. Brett was moving on quickly though, still going around the circle. “Okay, what about… Lindsey?”

James hadn’t noticed it before, but Lindsey was quiet the entire time. Now that everyone else had their eyes on her, she cupped her hands together with her shoulders scrunched up. Lindsey didn’t look at any of them. “That’s.. Funny you’d ask, actually. I, uh…” Her eyes closed as she exhaled. “I... I actually think… this is going to be my last gig.”

“You’re leaving?” Trevor blurted out.

Finally, Lindsey looked up from the ground. “Yeah. I told myself that if we really pulled this one off… I was going to take up a friend’s offer to work for them. I couldn’t afford the camera equipment until now. I might actually get to put my photos in a real magazine.” As guilty as Lindsey sounded, there was still a smile on her face. She actually seemed happy.

The room was quiet before Brett raised his beer and tipped the bottle towards Lindsey. “Congratulations. Here’s to Lindsey, for officially making it out alive.”

“Here, here.” James raised his next, and slowly Aleks and Trevor, with his coke bottle, joined in as well.

“Cheers.” Brett slammed the rest of his beer back and put it next to the other bottles littering the table. Each of them drank to Lindsey’s honor while she laughed, trying to discreetly wipe at the corner of her eye. James had completely forgotten about the stupid game before Brett began to scan the room again.

“Hate to break it to you, but it’s your turn again, Aleks.”

“Shit,” Aleks laughed, laying his arm on the back of the couch as he stretched out. “I really gotta go after that? Come on.”

“You can’t throw me under the bus again. Come on, just say it.” Trevor groaned, rubbing at his eyes. “No one’s gonna care if you’re gonna go run off and become a porn star.”

“How’d you know?” Aleks deadpanned, letting out a sigh. “I don’t know, man. In five years? Am I the only one who doesn’t think about this stuff?”

“Stuff like… your future?” James frowned. “Yeah. You might be the only one.”

“I don’t know, then.” Aleks shrugged stiffly, leaning against his hand. “Hey, maybe in five years I’ll be dead.”

After that, James didn’t remember much about the rest of their celebration. They drank a few more beers, but everyone was too exhausted to get too crazy. What James remembered was leaving, grabbing his things and walking out in the rain to his Chrysler. On his way out, he heard someone the footsteps of someone jogging across the wet pavement after him.

“Hey,” Aleks called out. When James turned around, there was an uneven smile on his face. “You, uh… you heading home, now?”

“That’s the idea.” James turned back towards his shitty car and unlocked the door. As he opened it and began to climb in, Aleks closed the distance even further and placed his hand on the car window.

“You just gonna run off alone?” Aleks voice dropped lower, barely even audible between the two of them. James wasn’t sure who he was trying to hide from. In the middle of an abandoned parking lot in front of an abandoned warehouse. James closed his eyes for a moment, then turned to look up at Aleks.

“What’s the matter? You too keyed up to go to bed alone?”

“Maybe,” Aleks was grinning again, “I don’t want this night to be over yet.”

Everything from his grin to his posture screamed trouble. James wanted to tell Aleks to fuck off, tell him to go home and take a cold shower for once. James would have told him that, if he was smart. If James was smart, he wouldn’t have been robbing banks with a rag tag team of losers.

“Get in already.” James closed his car door and ignored Aleks’ pleased, borderline smug grin as he went around to the other side. They played this game every time.

 

* * *

 

 

After Lindsey left, it took James a while to notice how different everything was. Losing a member wasn’t anything new, there was Aron before. He was their inside man for a couple of months before he threw in the towel. “It’s been fun, but you’re all fucking crazy.” Aron laughed as he shook James’ hand, just minutes before he hopped on a bus out of LA. The crew carried on after that, though. 

Some things were obvious; Lindsey always had been the one with the best eye to point out the flaws in everyone else's’ plans. Other people thought they were crazy for having so many crew members, especially those who didn’t physically take part in the robbery.. As Brett always explained, the best put together company had some whose only job was doing the thinking that kept all their asses safe.

That kind of thinking might’ve come from the time Brett spent overseas. He didn’t talk about it much, especially not with a bunch of kids like them. James thought he had to be crazy, coming back alive from that and deciding to become a bank robber. Maybe after an experience like that, working a regular 9-5 just seemed pointless.

The subtle change that James only realized looking back now, was that after Lindsey left, everyone realized that what they had wasn’t permanent. The lucky criminals faded into infamous obscurity, some got caught, and the others died. From that day on, there was an invisible timer counting down the days until their little crew fell into one of those categories.

As it turned out, Trevor’s clock was the one that ran out next. James remembered missing Lindsey so badly that day. One of them should have realized that  reusing the escape plan from an old heist was a stupid ass idea. Lindsey would have noticed. What they thought was going to be a clean escape, turned out that they had fuzz anticipating their next move, ready to jump. In the fire fight that came next, Trevor had been shot.

Nothing had James more afraid than that night. The bullet itself wasn’t lethal, but that didn’t mean Trevor couldn’t have bled out in the back of that stupid van. All James could do was drive while listening to Trevor screaming over the panicked bickering of the others. Even worse, James couldn’t pull over when Trevor suddenly stopped.

They made it by the skin of their teeth that day. Brett had a hell of a time convincing someone to come patch Trevor up, but after enough money they finally found a back alley doctor greedy enough to take their hot cash. Trevor pulled through, but the decision was made for him before he even woke up. The kid was benched, permanently.

After that, James couldn’t really say for sure what brought the rest of it crumbling down over their heads. He knew he was a part of it. Hours were spent fighting with Aleks over their plans, whether or not the danger was worth it, on how long they could keep doing this before something like Trevor would happen again.

Despite their few successes, Asher decided to finally step back from everything. When Anna left next, there wasn’t really any room to be surprised about it anymore. James knew that Joe hung in as long as he could for his sake, but he wasn’t surprised when Joe confided in him one night that he was planning on skipping town.

It was funny; James would have never believed that Brett would give up this scene before him. Funny how things turned out, though. In this case, it was Brett inviting Aleks and him out for a drink, where he broke the news to them both.

“This is bullshit.” Aleks muttered, staring down at his full pint of beer.

“No, this is reality.” Brett was already on his second refill. The bar was a total dive, but James knew why Brett picked it out. After their first hit, just a shitty small convenience store, all three of them went to the closest bar to celebrate in the middle of the night. Brett was pretentious like that, ending this whole thing where it began.

“Is it because Anna left? If you need someone to stay back and play look out, I could do it. Y’know, if we just scaled back and waited this out, we could find new people.” Aleks bit at his lower lip, looking at James with a furrowed brow. “Why do we gotta call it quits?”

“You don’t know when to leave well enough the fuck alone.” James snapped, his temper was on a hair trigger whenever he was around Aleks lately. “Our crew’s been gutted. You can’t just work around what’s happened…”

“Hey, alright.” Brett fixed both of them looks, as if he were dealing with children here and not two men in their mid twenties. “I’m not here for fight with anyone. I’m not here to negotiate my terms, either.” He sighed slowly. “We had a good run of it, didn’t we?”

“It’s barely been two years.” Aleks said softly, his arms crossed over his chest now.

“Some guys don’t make it past their first day.” Brett forced a smile. “You’re gonna go down in history as one of the guys who got away with it all. Be proud of yourselves, why won’t you?” He lifted up his mug in a mock toast. “Now, come on. When one of your co-workers retire, you’re supposed to toast in his honor. I’ll let it go that you guys didn’t get me a gold watch.”

Aleks took a second to look between them both before he raised his beer. “To Brett,” he began, smiling just a little, “for officially making it out alive.”

After James raised his own empty mug for the toast, that was it. That chapter of their lives was shut. Brett insisted on celebrating his own retirement to the fullest. James sat out on several rounds, despite how pushy Brett could be when he was trying to have a good time.

Their night finally ended well into the small hours of the night. After one heated argument with another bar patron, Brett got all of them kicked out. Aleks and James did the best they could for him after that, stuffed him into a cab and paid for his fare back home. After that, Aleks insisted on walking James back to his parking space.

“Crazy, huh?” Aleks had his hands buried deep in his leather jacket, shoulder bumping into James’ as they walked. “It’s actually over.”

“If you didn’t see it coming, I guess you could call it crazy.”

“Come on, I’m not stupid.” Aleks huffed out with a sigh. “I could read the writing on the wall just as good as anyone else. I just…” The sound of his boot against an empty beer can rang out as it clattered across the sidewalk. “I just didn’t want it to be true.”

“I’m glad it’s over with.” James looked at Aleks, frowning. “I’m ready to see what life might be like without looking over my shoulder all the time.”

They both walked in silence until James finally found where he left his car. He really hated parking in LA. James was fumbling with his key against his lock when Aleks spoke up again.

“You gonna go straight after this?” He sounded… surprised and unhappy at the same time. “You know, we don’t need everybody else. We could… We could figure something out, I know…”

“Did you not hear me?” James shoved his key into the lock almost a little violently, then looked at Aleks. “I said, I’m glad it’s over with.” He opened his car door while still looking at Aleks. “I’ll see you some other time, okay?”

Aleks stood there, watching James get into his car. He knew what was coming next. They were both so fucking predictable, it made him feel sick. Aleks looked around the block before he seemed satisfied that no one passing by cared about what he was about to do. That’s what James figured, at least.

“Hey, I took a taxi to get here. Can I just ride with you?”

Predictable.

Later that night, when Aleks followed James up to his flat and James was peeling that stupid spiked leather jacket off his wiry frame, there was an urgent quality to every touch of Aleks' gave him He held on too tightly, kissed too long, and dragged his hands over James’ skin like it was the last time he’d feel it.

James pinned his wrists above his head and listened to the quiet gasp Aleks let out, but even then he couldn't block out the starving look in his eyes. That would stick with him for years to come.

 

* * *

 

 

1986 was five years ago. James didn’t live in Los Angeles anymore, though he did own a tattoo shop in Santa Monica. He bought a place in Ventura once it turned out that his business was actually going to be lucrative.

Getting away from Los Angeles was James’ personal goal. Even after he cleaned his act up, James noticed the same similar faces around his work and his home, always keeping their distance but never too far away. Hell, James even saw them when he walked his fucking dog. There was the car that never seemed to move across from his tattoo shop.

Eventually, when an officer from the LAPD came into his shop and gave him the second degree about whether or not he was affiliated with an ‘Aleksandr Marchant’, James figured what it was all about. He knew that Aleks had went from bank robbery to street crime, and apparently he was causing a load of fucking trouble while doing a shitty job of covering his trail.

When James still lived in Los Angeles, it felt like Aleks showed up at his door every other week. Always talking about his next big scheme, always offering James a cut if he wanted to get in on it. Sometimes they’d fight, whenever Aleks showed up too drunk or too doped up and ready to make a fool out of himself. Sometimes he’d show up beat to shit, and James had to learn how to do stitches with a needle, thread, and a bottle of vodka.

James kind of missed when Aleks followed him home just to fool around.

Apparently, the LAPD took a noticing to who Aleks hung around, and unfortunately for James, that was mostly him those days. The next morning after his interrogation by the police, James came to work with a busted front window and several expensive tools trashed. Not stolen, just broken beyond repair.

After buying his home in Ventura, all the strange activity stopped. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that Aleks stopped coming around. Apparently, the hour long drive was too much to deal with. Maybe he found somewhere else to go to lick his wounds. James couldn’t shake the urge to look over his shoulder wherever he went, in any case.

The only person that bothered to keep in touch with his difficult ass anymore was Trevor. Trevor, who was actually finishing up his last year at film school and drove out to meet James for lunch every now and again. James was glad how refreshingly normal that kid turned out, with no help at all from them.

“I saw Brett just the other day.” Trevor said during their last lunch date. James mostly got his news from other people from Trevor, who somehow kept up with everyone including the illusive Hundley.

“He still doing that anti-establishment shit?” James asked, eyes fixed on the newspaper in front of him. Brett decided that regular crime wasn’t good enough at some point, he had to go help change the world at the same time. James could acknowledge how fucked up the world was, but he found it easier to cope by staying at home with his dog.

“Yeah. He’s really pissing off the LAPD lately.” Trevor shrugged, like it wasn’t a big deal. At this point, when it came to Brett, it wasn’t anything new. “You hear from Joe lately?”

“He wrote me last week. He’s still living on that New Age farm commune… thing.” James couldn’t wrap his mind around that, even today. A part of him admired the idea, just getting away from everything. Living with a bunch of people on a farm, though? In this decade? “He said he’s going to send me some… almonds, or whatever they’re growing over there.”

Trevor simply nodded, looking down at his cup of coffee. He looked so much older now. Obviously, he was. They both were. James had a hard time getting the image of the barely pubescent nineteen year old Aleks scrounged up from somewhere. James was glad that Trevor came out of it all somewhat normal.

“How’s school?” James wasn’t doing his job properly as an old man if he didn’t ask about it at least once every time he saw Trevor. Of course, Trevor rolled his eyes.

“Y’know, alright. I’m kinda losing my mind about about my graduation project, though? I think Jakob… my room mate, like I said before, I’m pretty sure he’s thinking about kicking me out until I finish it and return to sanity.” Trevor brought his hand to his face, scrubbing at the dark circles that plagued him. “I don’t know, this shit might break me.”After folding his hands together, Trevor blinked then squinted at James.

“What the hell are you laughing at?”

James let out the snort that he was unsuccessfully trying to hide behind his hand. “You. Actually caring about your school work, to be specific. I was thinking earlier today about… about that night you first brought it up.” He looked down, grinning. “But when we first met and I asked you about whether or not you were even out of highschool, you said…”

“Fuck school.” Trevor finished for him with a shrug. “I mean, I still feel like that. Fuck school, seriously.”

When it came time to leave, James always made sure to grab the check first. Trevor stopped fighting him about it a long time ago. Being a starving artist probably taught him the value of a free meal. James was pulling bills out of his wallet when Trevor cleared his throat.

“Have you heard from Aleks?”

James paused, looking at Trevor as he laid out their tip on the table. It had been two years since he had an actual conversation with Aleks. Usually, James was the one asking Trevor about him.

“No.”

“Oh… Okay.” Trevor shoved his hands into his pockets, standing there stiffly for a moment. “I haven’t seen him around for a couple of weeks. I wasn’t gonna make a big deal about it, but I guess even Brett hasn’t seen him either and-”

“Don’t worry about it.” James quickly butted in. The last thing Trevor needed was to worry about Aleks while he was dealing with his graduation film. Especially when he’d pop back up again eventually like nothing even happened. James knew what he was like. “He’ll turn up.”

After saying his goodbyes to Trevor and paying for their ticket, James went back home. That was the usual flow of his week. Work. Home. Work. Home. Take Trevor out to lunch, then go back home.. There was some dog walking in between all of that, and maybe a little more gambling than James liked to admit.

What was not in the routine, was getting a phone call in the middle of the night. James almost didn’t wake up for it, ready to pass it off as a part of his dream before he realized that he was awake. Three A.M. James squinted at his digital clock before getting out of bed. By the time James got to his phone sitting out in the living room, the machine had caught it.

“-come on. Answering machine? Really? James, wake up! Shit. Look, it’s me. I’m in Reno. I know you don’t owe me anything, but I’m stuck in jail. I lost my fucking wallet and if you come bail me out, I swear to God I’ll pay you back with interest.”

He didn’t say his name, but James knew who it was anyway. He rubbed at his mouth, trying to ignore the way his heart pace started to kick up. Jail? In Reno? James stood there, listening to the sound of breathing on the other line before Aleks finally spoke again.

“Okay. You’re probably still asleep, so I’m gonna hang up now. James, I…. Okay.” The answering machine clicked off as the call was dropped and James let out a breath he didn’t realize he was even holding. He stood there, shocked still before… James frowned.

Reno?

Did Aleks have his phone number this whole time?

Two years. Two years without hearing anything, and now…

After putting out an early breakfast for Ein, James dressed himself in a daze, grabbing his keys and his wallet. He ended up in the driver’s seat of his car without even thinking about it. He was really about to drive to fucking Reno for Aleksandr Marchant; At three o’clock in the morning? James stared at the holes in his jeans for several minutes before he finally put his keys in the ignition.

Eight hours of driving. James spent eight hours driving to the border of Nevada to pick Aleks up from fucking Reno. Then, he had to write a check for a thousand dollars to bail his ass out. James chose to sit out in his car instead of waiting inside jail while they processed him, hands gripping his steering wheel tightly.

“Hey.”

James’ eyes snapped open, head jerking up from where it was resting against his chest. Fuck. His hands were still draped over the steering wheel. He lifted his hands to his eyes, rubbing at them with a soft groan. Was he that exhausted, to pass out without realizing it? Yeah, actually, James knew that he was.

James blinked slowly before he finally looked out his window. On the other side was a familiar face, with just the slightest hint of a smile. The first thing James noticed was the hair. The haphazard long dark hair he remembered was gone, now short and… blonde. Really, really blonde. The second was a fresh looking looking bruise underneath his right eye.

“Thanks for not… running off… uh.” When Aleks continued to talk, James blinked and shook his head. “You look like shit.”

“Get in the fucking car.” James gritted out, pinching the bridge of his nose. He turned the ignition and waited for Aleks to climb into the passenger side. James kept his eyes straight ahead as he pulled away from the sheriff’s office, but he could see Aleks running his hands across the interior of his car.

“You traded the Chrysler in for a Mustang, huh? About time you got a decent car. Looks older… Let me guess, 1970?”

“Shut up. She’s a ‘69.” James muttered underneath his breath. Aleks kept quiet while James drove. He managed to find a shitty little gas station with a diner attached, and remarkably managed to keep his appetite after filling up his tank and getting a look at the pig sty that was the gas station side.

Underneath the florescent lights in the diner, James got a better look at Aleks. His hair was… still blonde, but James could see his dark roots starting to come in. Not much else had changed in two years. The crows feet around his eyes a little deeper, maybe. Laugh lines just a touch deeper. He was still Aleks, though. Even the black eye was familiar enough. He looked pretty rough, but staying in a cell all night would do that to you. God, he still had that shitty leather jacket.

James wondered how different he must have looked, his hair longer now and curls peeking out from underneath his beanie. It was earlier this year he found his first gray hair in his beard. James really hoped that Aleks couldn’t see that under these bright ass lights.

“Long time no see, huh?” Aleks was tearing into his pancakes, pausing just to give Jame a grin. As if they were just catching up, and James didn’t drive all the way out to Nevada to bail him out of jail.

“What are you doing in Reno?”

That cocky grin dropped as Aleks let out a small huff, quickly glancing around the other patrons inside the diner. “I had… business. Business that turned sour, and… I was getting ready to leave when I got pulled over. You already know the rest.” Aleks chewed on his lower lip, dark eyes peering at him from underneath his lashes.

There was a lot of details missing there, but James wasn’t in any mood to press. He was barely in any mood to finish off his eggs and bacon.

“Hey, uh…” Aleks leaned over the table just slightly. “You want me to drive back? I know that’s a long trip. You gotta be exhausted.” There was that half grin on Aleks’ face that told James that he wasn’t offering out of the goodness of his heart.

“You just got arrested for a DUI.”

“Man…” Aleks hissed quietly, looking around the diner again. As if anyone in this place were paying attention to them. “Yeah, but it’s not like I got my license suspended. As long as I don’t get in anymore trouble until my court date, I can still drive.” Aleks reached across the table, fingers wiggling. “Come on. You fell asleep waiting for me at the jail.”

James started at Aleks’ hands and exhaled slowly. Even now, James felt like he could take a nap on his cold eggs if he wanted to bad enough. He looked back up at Aleks’ frustratingly earnest face. “Finish your fucking pancakes first.”

Looking way too pleased, Aleks’ grin broke out even further as he raised his fork to his mouth, eyes wrinkling at the corners as he chewed slowly.

Before leaving, James ducked into the nearby phone booth and tried to ring up Trevor. He got a hold of Trevor’s room mate instead. Some kid named Jakob. James left a message telling Trevor to stop by and feed Ein, and after a second, decided to add in that Aleks was safe.

Walking back to his car, Aleks was already sitting in the driver’s seat. Wordlessly, James got in and just leaned back into his seat. Maybe if he was lucky, he could pass out and wake back up in time to drop Aleks back off in LA.

“How fast does she go?”

James cracked open an eye and tilted his head, staring at Aleks for a beat. “How did you get pulled over?”

There was a good pause before Aleks finally glanced back at him, fingers flexing around his steering wheel. “Speeding.”

“How fast?”

“...Seventy-five on a gravel road. Look, I didn’t see the cop sitting there. I was just curious, James.”

“Why were you going that fast?” James realized he was pushing his luck, but there was a lot to this story that Aleks was keeping from him. What kind of ‘business’ was he in Reno for? How bad did things go that Aleks had to turn and run like that?

“I thought you were going to sleep.” Aleks muttered. His eyes flickered from the road to the stereo in the car. “You got a cassette player? Put something on before you get your beauty rest.”

James could let it go for now. He pulled out the cassette holder and began flipping through things. He hesitated over one tape and after a second, switched out the one already in there and hit play. James leaned back in his seat and waited, watching as Aleks glanced at him immediately, at the stereo, then finally grinned.

“Dead Kennedys? I thought I lost that tape.”

“You pushed it off on me.” James closed his eyes, tempted to tug his beanie over his eyes to escape from the harsh sun. ‘Kill the Poor’ wasn’t really what James considered soothing, but he could sleep through anything at this point. “I was supposed to listen to it… six years ago.”

“You fucking asshole.” Aleks laughed. James heard him turn the volume up by several notches, but already he was giving into his exhaustion. When Aleks started singing along, even his poor Biafra impression couldn’t keep James’ heavy eyelids from sliding shut, tension draining out of his body as he exhaled.

The next time James opened his eyes, all that registered to him was smoldering orange. He blinked his eyes slowly until his vision refocused. Warm air was blowing over his face, and after a second of watching that sunset speed alongside him, James remembered where he was. His head rolled slowly to the other side.

Dark hair whipping in the wind as Aleks energetically tried to mimic the fast paced drumming pouring out from the speakers. When James looked back out the window, he could see that they were speeding through the countryside on some dirt road. He couldn’t move from his sunken position in his seat, his limbs just wouldn’t listen to his mind. Instead of panicking, James felt… at peace.

This was the inside of his shitty Chrysler, with the stained upholstery and the scuff marks on the dash from Aleks putting his nasty boots up on it in spite of how many times James yelled at him for it. There was so much trash. He needed to clean up, needed to stop letting Aleks eat in his fucking car…

When he looked back at Aleks, his hair was hanging in his face, hands off the steering wheel mid air guitar swing. James wanted to raise his voice, tell him to get his hands back on the steering wheel before they both flew off the side of the road. Aleks paused mid head bang to meet his eye, and James couldn’t get his voice to do anything.

His face was so red, so flushed with excitement that he was actually breathing a little heavy. His soft mouth, parted and then leaning in. Out on the back roads where no one else could see them. James laid there pliantly, just watching as Aleks cupped his face. Just as their lips touched, his eyelids gave into that sleepy heavy feeling again.

 

_They said it wouldn't last_

_We had to prove them wrong_

_'Cause I've learned in the past_

_That love will never do without you_

 

What? 

James’ eyelids fluttered open as he exhaled. The sky was still a fiery deep color as the sun set, but they were on the highway. James curled his fingers against his palm and stretched them out again. Carefully, James let his head tilt back towards the driver’s seat.

The dying light of the sun was caught in Aleks’ blonde hair, lighting it red and glowing all around the edges. He was still staring straight ahead at the road as he tapped his fingers against the steering wheel. Took a second for James to notice, but at some point he had switched to radio. That was… Definitely the poppy upbeat sound of Janet Jackson. Apparently, Aleks also had stolen his sunglasses while James was asleep.

Right, he had fallen asleep. By the looks of it, he had managed to spend a little over half of the return trip asleep. James sat there quietly, his slow thoughts turning over the rapidly fading memories of his dream. It wasn’t until Janet gave into some mellow love ballad that Aleks turned his head and caught James staring.

“Oh, shit. Hey.” He could see Aleks’ forehead wrinkling as he looked away. “Uh, you been awake long?”

“Just for a minute.” James sat up carefully, wincing at the popping in his back. As nice as his car was, it still wasn’t a bed. His back hurt from sitting way too long in a car seat. James tried to stretch his legs as far as they could go to ease some of the cramping running up his thighs. “Where are we?”

“Uh, we just passed the exit for… Coalinga, or whatever. We got about two hundred more miles to go.”

“Mm.”

They let the radio fill in for conversation again, James just content to stare out the window as the red in the sky finally gave away to purple, and he watched Aleks push his sunglasses up into his hairline. James wasn’t watching him too closely or anything, but there was something about the way he kept pursing his lips together, eyebrow wrinkled like he was deep in thought about something.

“Hey, uh… I was meaning to ask you a question.”

“Shoot.”

“Can… Can I, uh… Can I come back to your place?” Aleks finally looked at him, just for a second before he averted his gaze back towards the road. “I can’t really… go back to LA right now? I know, I’ve already been a huge pain in your ass, I just…” He exhaled. “Or just drop me off somewhere else.”

There had to be some sort of catch. Slowly, James was putting together the pieces in his head. Aleks had to be in some kind of trouble, again. Funny, how little things changed at all.

“Fine.”

“What?” Aleks had the nerve to look at James, his eyes just a little wide around the edges. “Seriously?”

“The hell is wrong with you?” James squinted back at Aleks. “Yes. You want me to change my mind?”

Then, Aleks was laughing, leaning over the steering wheel a little. “Sorry, I was just… Nevermind. Thanks, James.” He turned back towards James with a grin that frustrated him even further.

That was how James ended up back in Ventura with Aleks, well late into the night. James felt tired and hungry, but mostly tired. He could tell Aleks was scoping out the place as they came in, and that was strange remembering that James never actually had him over before.

James ignored him as he began poking around everything, instead walking over to his answering machine that was flashing at him. The sudden noise of Trevor’s voice filling the quiet of the house set off barking from another part, quickly approaching. James knelt down on his sore knees and let Ein crash into him, accepting her excited kisses.

“Hey, I remember her.” Aleks stepped closer to them both, kneeling down and grinning just a little at Ein. He put himself in the perfect position to get swarmed by her affections next, letting James stand back up and listen to the end of Trevor’s message.

“-anyway, I took care of Ein for you. Let me know when you get back into town. Also, what the hell happened with Aleks? How do you know… Nevermind. Just call me, dude.” The message cut out after that, and the next one played. That one was from one of the guys who helped run his tattoo shop, asking where the hell he disappeared to. James rubbed his eyes and looked back at Aleks, who was still stroking the fur of a mostly settled Ein. He was looking back at James, eyebrows raised.

“You called Trevor?”

“Someone had to come feed Ein.” James mumbled out his excuse. “He was… worried about you. I just told him you were alright, I didn’t say anything else.” God, James was too tired to deal with this right now.

“...S’fine.” Aleks shrugged, carefully standing up. “I didn’t think anyone would notice that I… y’know. Whatever.” His hand went to the back of his neck, rubbing. “So, uh.”

“Guest bedroom is down there.” Jerking his thumb towards the left hallway, James was already walking down the opposite hall. “Kitchen’s that way.” He pointed again, then whistled at Ein to follow. “There’s a bathroom by your room. I’m going to bed now.”

“Oh..” He didn’t have to look back to see that Aleks was disappointed, his voice was thick with it. “Uh, good night.”

If James dreamed at all during the night, then at least in the morning he was grateful not to remember any of it. He awoke to his alarm blaring in his ears and hit the snooze button as many times he could get away with before finally sitting up and turning it off. Ein was nestled against his side in bed and James felt a pang of guilt for running off without her yesterday.

He managed to slip out of bed without waking her up. First thing in the morning, and he was going to have to make some phone calls. God, he was fucking dreading it, but he couldn’t just stay home again without some kind of word. Then, Trevor… He was probably going to come to check in on Ein again if he didn’t.

At least he got Trevor’s answering machine. Work, he wasn’t so lucky with. James made up a lie about a stomach bug, some food poisoning or whatever and promised he’d be back in as soon as it cleared up. He owned the fucking place, wasn’t exactly sure why he had to lie to take off work. Maybe James was that embarrassed about the truth.

Ein was up by the time James finished, ready for breakfast and then for James to let her run around the back yard. After taking a quick shower, he ended up in the kitchen next, waiting for the coffee to brew and help him shake off this early morning funk.

There were the sound of footsteps from down the hall, and James actually tensed for a moment before he remembered that Aleks must be up and wandering around. This early. That.. was a little bit of a surprise, but it wasn’t as anyone was up partying all night. They both went straight to sleep, like the boring old men that they were.

“That smells great.” Aleks voice came from the kitchen entrance, low and rough still. When James turned to look at him, he didn’t expect to see Aleks standing in the middle of his kitchen without a fucking shirt on. James jerked his head away quickly, lips pressing into a thin line, then looked over again.

Seeing the soft pooch of Aleks’ stomach at least make James feel better about his own fluctuating weight situation. Most of Aleks looked… thicker than what James remembered. Another huge difference was the tattoo that before mostly covered his collarbone and the middle of the chest. Seemed like Aleks had more work done over the years, and dark and colorful ink now flowed along the contours of his chest and most of his ribcage. When Aleks stepped closer, James could see that the stag skull was now framed by dark branches and bright blue roses.

There was more ink James could see peeking out at him from the waistband of Aleks’ boxers, but he was standing right fucking next to him now and when James looked up, there was that smirk starting at the corner of Aleks’ mouth. Fucking prick.

“You’ve had more work done.” James pointed out quickly.

“You noticed. Yeah, a bit.” Aleks ran his fingertips over his sternum, following a thick dark curved branch. “I got the other sleeve finished up, then this… some other stuff.” he trailed off vaguely, with a shrug. “Can I get some of that coffee, my man?”

Reaching in the cabinet above him, James brought back down a couple of mugs for them both. He filled them up and watched as Aleks immediately went for the sugar jar sitting by the coffee pot. One after one, he dropped sugar cubes into his cup. James watched, mildly horrified. He only added two to his own.

Breakfast was completely unremarkable, some eggs and bacon that was leftover from a package that James dipped into already. They ate quietly, though, and… it was almost nice in a way. Before, James would have made Aleks make do with whatever left overs he had sitting around in his fridge.

“Do you have some clothes I can borrow?” Aleks asked, not too long after breakfast. “I gotta wash the jailhouse off of me.” Now, that was a sight. Even with the extra bit of weight Aleks put on, James’ clothes completely swallowed him up. The sight of Aleks freshly washed and shaved in his flannel and jeans, though.. It was…

Fuck.

Only Aleks could walk into his life like this and act like nothing went wrong between them. He took over his stereo and stretched out on his couch, Ein lying contently on top of his stomach as Aleks ran his fingers through her coat. He looked so peaceful, the opposite of the tremulous cocktail of emotions James was struggling to keep down.

“What happened in Reno?”

Aleks cracked an eye open to glance in James direction, where he was standing leaning against the wall. “Man, it’s not…” He sighed, frowning. Was it messed up that James felt better after disrupting Aleks’ good mood? “Is it that important?”

“Considering I had to drop everything to come and get your ass, it’s a little important.”

Aleks propped himself up on his elbow, looking at James carefully for a moment. “I told you, I was in the middle of some business and things didn’t go so good for me. Okay? I got ripped off.”

“Just what kind of business did you have in fucking Reno?”

“What kind do you think, James?” Aleks finally raised his voice. James only felt bad after Ein slinked off from the couch, her ears folding back. Aleks seemed caught off guard too, hand curling over his stomach for a second before he rubbed at his eyes with one hand. “You know what kind of business.”

Ein scuttered out of the room, and that should have been James’ sign to back off. He could end this now and just go to work, maybe when he got home Aleks would be gone. Wouldn’t have been the first time. That would have been too easy, though.

“What’s it gonna take for you to give this shit up, Aleks? You wanna wind up dead or in prison?” James took a couple of steps forward, his hands at his waist. “You disappear for a couple of years, but it’s like everything is the same.”

“What the fuck?” Aleks pushed himself up finally from the couch, standing up with a deep breath. “Yeah, you’re right. Everything is the same, you’re still the same judgemental dick you’ve been for years. Jesus Christ. You think you’re so good now because you went straight.”

James looked away, letting out a bitter laugh. “Yeah, well you called this judgemental dick to get your ass out of jail. I didn’t ask to get dragged into your shit again.”

“I fucking…!” Aleks bit at his lower lip, his face turning an impressive shade of pink with how worked up he was getting. “If you felt like that, then why did you come? You could’ve left me there.” Undeterred, Aleks stepped forward as well. “Why do you think I never followed you out here? You acted like you couldn’t wait to leave all the shit from your past behind.” Aleks swallowed. “Including me.”

Shocked into silence, James just stood there as Aleks began blinking rapidly and turned away, his hand going to his eyes again. Hesitantly, James placed a shaky hand on Aleks’ shoulder, but he immediately shrugged out of it.

“Don’t.”

“Okay.” James quickly withdraw his hand, crossing his arms again uncertainly. “I’m, uh… Fuck.” He looked down, breathing out slowly. “I’m sorry.” Quietly, he stepped around Aleks and sank into the couch, his hands between his knees.

Aleks still stared off in any direction other than James’, but he slowly lowered his hand. The silence stretched on between them as they both just sat there. Slowly, Aleks turned around and finally met James’ eye, one hand going to rub a tattooed arm.

“I get it.” He began softly. “You got… a really nice thing going on, now. A nice house, a nice car, your own business…” Aleks fingers tightened, nails digging into his skin just a little. “Having me around too kinda fucks all that up. I get it.” Teeth worried at Aleks’ lower lip as his dark eyebrows knitted together. “But all I got is you.”

James could have argued with him. He knew that Aleks had friends. Hell, even before everything went to shit, he was hanging out more often with Brett than he was James. That was playing like he didn’t know what Aleks was getting at, though.

“I don’t know,” James shrugged. “I think your Camaro is pretty nice.”

A low huff of laughter escaped Aleks. “Stop.” He said firmly, but the corner of his mouth was still turned up just a little. “You know what I mean.”

James tilted his head up at Aleks and moved to sit on the edge of the couch. He lifted his arms, and after a moment of hesitation, Aleks took careful steps so that he was standing right in front of James. Hesitantly, he reached out and touched his hands to Aleks’ waist. When Aleks slipped in further, slotting himself between James’ legs, he squeezed at his waist and leaned forward.

Face pressed against Aleks’ middle, all James could smell were his own things. The scent from his bar of soap, the detergent he’d been using for years clinging to his clothes that Aleks borrowed. All of James’ things, but there was still Aleks right underneath the surface. If that wasn’t a stupid metaphor for a non-insignificant portion of James’ adult life.

He didn’t say anything while he wrapped his arms around Aleks’ waist, holding him close. A beat passed before James felt the soft touch of fingers sliding into his hair, Aleks fitting his fingers in the back of his curls.

It felt like Aleks was waiting for James to say something in return, but it was hard. James figured he was better with words than Aleks ever was, but that didn’t apply to shit like this; especially when all his stupid mouth did was land his ass in trouble. James didn’t want to say anything else.

“James…” Aleks was beginning to say more, but James pulled at his waist and cut him off. Leaning back for more space, James pulled Aleks into his lap and pressed their mouths together. James drank in the soft groan Aleks gave.

They were both better at this part of it. Most of their fights ended up this way; a heated exchange of kisses as their hands pulled at each other’s clothes. Except, now James was in his early thirties and the angle Aleks was tilting his head at began to ache in a real way.

“Shit.” James winced, pulling away from the kiss. “Hold on, can we just… move a little bit…”

“Oh, okay.” Aleks lifted his hips up, and after some maneuvering, James managed to lay back flat on the couch. Even this wasn’t going to be great for his back, but the way Aleks now straddled his waist and leaned down, touching chest to chest as they kissed again… Yeah, he could live with that.

The flannel ended up pooled around Aleks’ waist and James was taking the chance to map out Aleks’ skin for the first time in years. Sure, he looked a little different but he was still Aleks, and the touch of his skin still drove James up a wall. Closer like this, James could see the tattoo half obscured by the jeans he was wearing. All he could see were red scales, some fiery imagery. James pulled insistently at the baggy jeans, easily sliding them down Aleks’ hips.

“H-Hey.” Aleks laughed, lifting his hips up for James as they slid down further, past his thighs. “What’s the rush? Oh…” His eyelashes fluttered while James smoothed his palm over the curve of his waist, following those bright colors over his hip and thigh. “You’re so weird. All you have to do is ask…”  
  
Of course, Aleks has to be a tease about it. Instead of taking off his underwear, he hooked his fingers into the waistband and pulled it over his hip. Now, James can tell that the tattoo is meant to be a dragon. The style is similar to the rest of his work, colorful and distinct against his fair skin.

“Don’t tell me all of this was just so you could look at my ink.” Aleks laughed, squirming just a little when James squeezed at his thigh. James looked back at Aleks, the way he was biting at his lower lip, and lowered his gaze. There was the beginning of a hard on just beginning to show through his underwear.

“Maybe. I could take or leave the rest, actually.”

“Shut up.” Aleks groaned, moving his hips back so he could sit on James’ lap. Fingers curled in the bottom of James’ ratty old band tee. “Maybe I wanna see what you’ve been up to lately.” James felt his stomach knot up a little, but he still raised his arms for Aleks to slide his shirt over his head. A small noise came from his throat, watching Aleks just toss it to the side.  
  
“C’mon, man. That shirt’s almost as old as our friendship.”

Aleks only gave it a look over his shoulder, lips quirked. “The Germs? Yeah… I remember that show.” He hummed a little, then seemed to let the thought go as he looked down at James, which… actually… was fine. He had enough of thinking about the past.

He tried to push down the feelings of inadequacy. Neither of them were in the peak of physical fitness, and besides… Aleks didn’t look displeased as he trailed his hand over the patch of dark hair on his chest. James could feel his eyes on his arm next. Aleks wasn’t the only one who had work done. Mostly, it was just the sleeve on his right arm.

“Dude, this is kinda sick.” Aleks laughed underneath his breath. For the rest of his arm, James kept the horror theme. There were some obvious references to films that stuck with him, some that were… alright, a little dark and gory. Not like Aleks wasn’t aware that he enjoyed that stuff. Damn, he was feeling self conscious.

James leaned up to kiss Aleks again before either of them could talk anymore about tattoos, or old concerts. His hips rolled up against Aleks and that seemed to be the end of any coherent words, anyway. Clumsy hands freed James from his jeans next, and after shoving his boxers down Aleks took care of his as well. He looked down and saw where Aleks hard on pressed alongside his. They laid there, softly breathing in the small space between their bodies before finally, Aleks began to thrust against him.

The start was rough, the slide of dry skin on skin not entirely pleasant before Aleks spat into his hand and reached down to ease things up. After that, everything seemed to go so fast. God, it wasn’t like James had been celibate or anything. The way Aleks moaned against his ear, low breathy noises. His hot skin against James, the hands tightening in the back of his hair as those noises became more urgent. It all lit his nerves on fire.

“James, fuck, I can’t…”

The only comfort James had was knowing Aleks was as desperate as he was. James’ voice caught in his throat as he shuddered underneath Aleks, his hand groping between them before he wrapped around Aleks’ cock and brought him over the edge as well. James could feel his come hitting his stomach and chest and shuddered.

Their bodies sagged into each other, Aleks laying limply against his chest as they both struggled to catch their breath. His skin was so hot, James felt like he could melt into him and… that would be just fine, really. The thought only lasted as long as his pleasant buzz, though. Once the endorphins wore off, James realized that both of them were just sticky and his lower back was beginning to ache.

“Shit.” James sighed out. “C’mon, I gotta get up.”

It was barely noon out, but they ended up in bed anyway. James wished he wasn’t so petty last night, maybe he this could have been his sooner. Aleks curled up in his sheet, arm thrown over James’ stomach. The silence stretched on between them before it ended how it usually did, with James opening his mouth.

“What… actually happened in Reno?” He asked, tilting his head to the side. The frown Aleks gave him was apprehensive. “I’m not gonna get pissed off. I just… I just wanna know.”

A slow sigh came from Aleks as he rolled over onto his back. “I told you, it was… business. I kinda… fucked things up in Los Angeles. Screwed over the wrong people.” Aleks mumbled quietly. “I guess it was karma or some shit, because the same thing happened to me. I was selling blow, and they… took it, kicked my ass.” Aleks wasn’t looking at James anymore.

“They wanted to take care of me, but I got out of there. Kind of a fucking blessing, getting pulled over. I didn’t know what I was going to do, so I… I remembered the number I got from Brett. Your new number. I didn’t even know if you were gonna show up, but I was scared shitless.” He laughed weakly. “Then… you did, like you always do. Fuck if I know why.”

“Why do you think?” James said too quickly, his face a little hot. Did Aleks not know? Did he really…? Fuck, how could he with the way James acted sometimes? James pressed his hand against his forehead. “I came for the same reason you called me.”

That had Aleks looking at him again, an unreadable expression on his face. Fuck, James hated that. “So you can’t go back to LA.” James began, sitting up on his elbow. “You can’t go back to Reno. Where… Where are you gonna go?”

Silence.

“Dude, I… I don’t know.” Aleks laughed weakly, sliding his hands into his short blonde hair. “I didn’t think about all that yet. I know I can’t fuck around here forever…”

“Why not?”

“Come on…”

“I’m serious.” James reached over, grabbing Aleks’ wrist before he could bury his face against his palms. His own hands were trembling.

“You’d lose your mind.”

James was quiet before he reluctantly shrugged. “I’m losing my fucking mind anyway, with or without you here.”

That unreadable look on Aleks face turned into visible frustration as James argued with him on this. “What about your neighbors?”

“They hate my guts already.”

“James, you’re gonna…”

“I swear to Christ,” James groaned, “stop trying to convince me I don’t want you here. If you feel that way, then just say it. I can handle it. I know I’ve been an asshole, but if you… if you’re serious about what you said before…” James swallowed, fingers slotting into the spaces between Aleks’. “Then stay with me.”

Aleks eyes were wide as he stared back at James, fuck his hand was clammy. James squeezed anyway, keeping his gaze fixed with him. Every second that passed felt like an eternity, but finally Aleks’ hand tightened around his, squeezing in return.

“Alright.”

This wasn’t the perfect fresh start stories were made out of. The work alone that James had to do on himself was… Overwhelming. Maybe attaching Aleks to that mess was wrong. He sure as hell didn’t know what was right anymore. There was a sliver of light on the horizon and James wanted to grab it with both hands. That’s all that he knew.

That would have to be enough.


End file.
